fear revisited....Lago Negra onward

I awoke at a lovely campsite near Refugio Negra. The Refugio is alongside an onyx lake nestled in between the mountains.. the winds come through and a chill weaves its way through my being... After a breakfast of home made bread, dulce leche... and coffee we began what was to be the most difficult day for me mentally. The hike began around the lake where at one point we had to scale up and back down the side of a grand rock utilizing a rope to aid in the ascent and descent.. it was interesting with the backpack and poles!!! Oh.. I forgot to mention yesterday was my longest hiking day thus far.. it was about 44 k.. Anyway...We had met a local guy a neuro-surgeon a couple days back.. He had suggested we hike this hike the opposite way than we eventually chose because of a very steep "annoying " section...I am happy we went the way we did .. as going down what we went up would have been simply awful...we sat at the base eating our lunch.. for me.. Trying to build confidence...we watched a couple people come down.. it didn't look fun.. we began and were actually stoked as the scree looked bigger and steadier than we imagined.. it quickly changed and my fear grew to epic proportions... there was a bit of a trail but it almost didn't feel like the safest way to go...we kinda made our own trails because to follow behind one another would have been foolish if the leader(nancy) would have slipped.. I too would go ... She seemed to be moving with ease... Not me.. I caused a bit of a  rock slide ... decided to climb the rest  of the climb hugging as close as I could the rock mountainside.. Each step.. Each handhold set with absolute precision...I wanted to cry but even that emotion would take me too far from the moment and I could not afford to go there! I am not sure really how long it took to get up.. Possibly a half hour.. Maybe more .. But at one point I looked up and nancy was there and she said we are almost there.. the rest is no problem .. I sat for a moment and let tears prevail .. collected myself and finished the upward trek..we were far from finished for the day andi was thoroughly exhausted but we decided to not stop for the day and hike out.. we got back in bariloche that night at10 pm.. We didn't have a place to stay but the folks at Penthouse 1004 placed some calls for us .. the city was full.. our room looked out into a laundry room full of blankets and quilts...a far cry from where we had been the last 4 days ...it only took one day in town for me to be ready to get back out there... the trail.. the mountains .. They define you...you must be with intention out here ..just being is an option but I feel as if you must be absolutely present to immerse yourself... again I struggle with words to explain my emotions .. my life changes a little bit after every trail... as the river flows..as the condor moves with the changes of the wind.. such are the seasons of life .. I love this life